i need an iv and a liver transplant
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
