is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
