i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is wine microwaveable?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
