Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
