Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
