I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
