conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
