I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i think my cat just said my name.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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