Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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