is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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