Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
