There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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