Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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