woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i dont even know how to be here
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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