i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
