What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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