1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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