Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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