she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
