Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
