Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
