Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
