Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
