You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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