Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
