pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
too bad you live with your parents still
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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