I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
