i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
