So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
