He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
