I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
