So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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