Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
