Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you would pick up someone in the library
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
