Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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