Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
