Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
