How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
