Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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