I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
