i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
