I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
