i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
