I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
