You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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