I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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