I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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