she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
