She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
tell me about the eggs
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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