I didn't shave. On purpose
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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