I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
