dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She announced her abortion via fbk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This toilet bowl is my home.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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