Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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