This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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